Closet Hedonists Are We

Chapter Fifteen: Will You Be My Destruction? Will You Help Me To Be Through?

 

Light.

 

"Kay? Kay, can you hear me?"

 

"Where am I?"

 

"You're in the hospital, Kay. Just breathe."

 

More light. Blurs of color. Shapeless shadows.

 

"I can't see."

 

"You have a concussion. It's not too serious. Keep breathing."

 

A sharp pain shot through her leg and her side. A dull ache throbbed in her skull.

 

"It hurts... God, it hurts..."

 

"It'll stop soon. Just keep breathing. It'll be alright Kay, it'll be fine..."

 

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Jade lay back on the hotel room couch, plugging his iPod into his ears. Hunter and Adam sat talking in the corner. Davey was the least at ease - he sat for a few moments, jiggling his knee up and down while checking his Sidekick, then stood up and paced about the room. Then he would sit down again and repeat the whole cycle.

 

Davey was worried sick about Chris, and his anxiety was the most obvious. Of course, the whole band had been perturbed ever since Chris's disturbing phone call. Worse, no one had been able to reach any of the Black Diamonds, not even Jimmy their manager, in the last two days since then. When Jade attempted to call Kay, no one picked up. And after he'd left a message on her phone, he'd clutch his photo of his beloved to him, hoping she was alright.

 

Just then, Smith opened the door, lines of concern etched into his forehead. "Guys... guys... you might want to hear this."

 

All four band members sat up at attention. "What is it, Smith?" asked Jade.

 

"It's about the Black Diamonds. I finally got through to Jimmy. Their bus... it ran off the highway and crashed two days ago."

 

Jade went weak with horror. Kay!

 

"What?!" Adam exclaimed. Davey's eyes widened, terrified.

 

"Are they... okay?" Hunter asked tentatively. They waited with bated breath for the answer.

 

"Well, only one person actually died, their driver. He was drunk, so he couldn't keep the bus on the lane. He hit his head on the steering wheel. The others should be alright, except..." Here Smith sighed.

 

"Except...?"

 

"Well..." Smith deliberately avoided Davey's eyes. "Chris... he's in a coma."

 

"No!!" Davey fell to his knees. "Not Chris!" He burst into a deluge of mournful sobs, as Adam and Hunter hoisted him up to the couch to console him. "My baby!"

 

Jade stood in place, stunned. The meaning of Chris's phone call had hit them all - he'd been calling to say goodbye.

 

He felt Smith's hand on his shoulder, and looked up to meet his little brother's eyes. "Smith... do you know if Kay is okay?"

 

"Jimmy said she's in stable condition. She broke her calf when a monitor rolled over it, and then got a bad concussion and a few broken ribs when she was thrown into a wall."

 

Jade winced. He hated imagining Kay's beautiful body being tossed about it in a wayward bus. If it hadn't been Chris, it could have been her...

 

"I have to see her, Smith. I have to see that she's alright."

 

"You can now. You have a couple days off. They're all at a hospital in LA. And..." Smith looked back at Davey, whose body was shaking with tears. "Dave should go too."

 

Jade nodded. "I'll get going then."

 

"You must love her, Jade."

 

"Yes, Smith. I do."

 

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Jade hated hospitals, and always had ever since he'd had his tonsils removed when he was five. They were so sterile, and always carried this awful medicinal stench about them. So he thought, as the polyester-clad nurse led him to Kay's room.

 

The nurse stopped outside the door and opened it for Jade. He took a deep breath and stepped inside.

 

The room was dimly lit, and the curtains were shut, probably to avert intrusive paparazzi. Kay lay there asleep in the hospital cot, her hands lying limp beside her on the covers. One of her arms was attached to an IV. Under the blanket was a huge lump that was her cast. A bandage was wrapped around one side of her head and just above her eyebrow. Jade could make out an ugly bruise and a wound creeping from under the bandage, a stark contrast to the rest of her pallid face. Her breaths, though even, were shallow and hoarse from her broken ribs.

 

To Jade she was like a broken flower - so vulnerable, yet so beautiful. She was always beautiful.  Broken or well, he knew he'd always love her fully and unconditionally. Even if his love was unrequited, he'd still go to the ends of the earth for her.

 

He pulled a chair to her bedside and sat down heavily. He'd steal a few moments, and memorize the face he had no right to...

 

Kay stirred. Her head shifted on the pillow, and her hands curled into fists and loosened. Jade waited, his heart drumming against his ribs. Kay slowly opened her eyes, one after the other. At first she furrowed her brows, waiting for her sight to come into focus. Jade watched as her eyes settled on him, and brightened as she recognized him.

 

"Jade?" she whispered. "You came?"

 

"Of course I came, Kay." Jade leaned forward, smiling. "How are you?"

 

Kay tried to smile through her recurring pain. "Look gorgeous, don't I?" she replied sarcastically

 

Jade laughed. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

 

Kay rolled her eyes. "If you say so. My head hurts like a bitch. It still hurts a little to breathe."

 

"And your leg?"

 

"My leg was terrible for a bit, but it's better. The doctors told me it's a clean break, so it'll heal faster."

 

Jade nodded. "What about everyone else?"

 

"Jimmy only got some cuts and bruises, the lucky bastard. Gordon and Meg have broken arms..." She blinked away tears as she thought of their guitarist. "Oh... Chris... oh god..."

 

Jade reached over and placed his hand over hers. "Kay..."

 

"Oh Jade... Chris is in a coma! He could..." Tears escaped the corners of her eyes, and she shut them and turned away.

 

"I know Kay, I know."

 

"Does Davey know?"

 

"Yes, he does." Jade bowed his head. "He was... very upset."

 

After a brief silence, Kay spoke again. "Chris wanted to die, Jade! That's why he stood in the middle of the bus waiting for us to crash while we all shouted for him to get down. I would have forced him if I could... my leg was broken. He didn't want to live anymore... But maybe I should have tried..."

 

Jade gingerly placed his other hand on her bandaged forehead. "Don't blame yourself, Kay. You were hurt, the bus was crazy. You couldn't have helped him."

 

"I don't know what will happen to the band if he doesn't make it. Chris and I wrote almost all the songs together, and he's like a little brother to all of us. It won't be the same..."

 

"Shhh... don't think about that now. You should think about getting better yourself. You worry so much about other people, Kay. It'll be alright."

 

Kay calmed down at his words and was silent. Jade gently stroked her head, barely giving a thought to the appropriateness of his intimate gesture. After all, she was engaged. Jade's eyes fell on Kay's left hand, the one he wasn't covering with his own, and still conveyed that loathsome engagement ring. Why couldn't it, too, have been lost in the bus crash?

 

"Hold my hand, Jade," Kay whispered.

 

Jade obliged, curling his fingers around Kay's unadorned hand. The fingers were slightly calloused, but the palm was soft and smooth. Slowly, he brought it to his chest and held it there. I could do this forever, he thought, stroking the pad of his thumb across the white skin.

 

"What would I do without you as a friend, Jade?" said Kay. "You try so hard to be there for me. I wish Gerard..." Kay stopped herself short.

 

"You wish Gerard... what?" Jade tried to keep his mood from going sour at the mention of his rival.

 

"Oh, I don't know... he hasn't been in to see me yet." Kay sighed.

 

"What? But it's been two days since the accident, and he hasn't come to see you?"

 

"No. Apparently he's too busy with his tour. But I understand."

 

"No, Kay, that's... that's still fucked up. You could have died. What guy wouldn't come to see that his fiancée was okay?" Jade sat back in frustration. It was bad enough that Kay was engaged to a guy who wasn't him, but a guy who didn't care enough to see his fiancée in the hospital?

 

"Jade, what's the matter with you?" Kay was taken aback by Jade's sudden change in mood. "Look, you know he can't afford to drop everything in the middle of the tour. This is an important year for him. I wouldn't want him to abandon his band at the busiest point in their tour."

 

Why doesn't she get it? Jade couldn't believe she could be so blind to her fiancé's faults, so damn forgiving! But what right did he have to think that? He didn't even have a single stake with Kay. "I guess so," he said resignedly.

 

Kay's head fell back against the pillows as she exhaled, exhausted. Appraising her frail form, Jade suddenly regretted pouring out his frustration on her. How could he rationalize her fiancé's behavior for her, when she didn't need any more stress, when her band was peril? "I'm sorry, I got worked up," he apologized. "These past few weeks have been so hard..."

 

"It's alright, I understand," said Kay, closing her eyes. Her fingers feebly squeezed his hand.

 

Jade felt a painful tug at his heart. He knew he could take care of Kay so much better than Gerard could, yet he was barred from doing so. What had he ever done to deserve such unrequited love?

 

Kay's voice came again in a whisper. "Jade... I'm not allowed out of bed. Go see Chris for me? Please?"

 

"Of course," he replied.

 

Kay smiled weakly and her eyes fluttered closed again. Soon her breathes were shallow and even, if a bit raspy. Jade watched her sleep for a few more moments, then rose from his chair. He bent over her and touched his lips to her forehead.

 

"Anything for you," he whispered. Then he turned and left the room, glancing back at Kay one last time before he closed the door behind him.

 

Across the hall, Jade entered Chris's room. The guitarist lay still as a corpse on the bed. He wore a neck brace, and countless bruises were scattered over his body. Jade winced as he took in the tubes pumping fluids into Chris's body and the discs attached to his forehead. Worse, the guitarist's beautiful and lively face was stony and lifeless, reminding Jade of the cold marble effigies of royals on their tombs. In a way, he was glad that Kay wasn't here to see her band mate like this.

 

Just then, the door burst open. "Chris!" cried Davey.

 

He ran over to Chris's side and threw himself across the still body. "My baby!" he sobbed loudly, cradling Chris's head and kissing the cold lips over and over. "I love you... I love you... I'm sorry..."

 

Jade bowed his head, both abashed and saddened as he witnessed the scene. Fate is cruel, he thought. After all, what a mess! Kay is with a guy who doesn't care enough to see her in the hospital. I'm in love with Kay. Davey is heartbroken over Chris, who's now in a coma because he was heartbroken over Davey. What is this?

 

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Later, Jade sat in traffic on the way back to the hotel, deep in thought. He had a lot ahead of him. As soon as Davey returned as well and recovered, they all had to practice for an upcoming festival. And also, he had to prepare for a radio interview, and...

 

... Why did that guy sitting on that bench over on the pavement look vaguely familiar?

 

Jade leaned closer to the driver's window, not believing it.

 

Gerard Way himself was sitting there on the bench... with his arm around a girl.

 

A girl who was most definitely not Kay.

 

An uninjured girl who was not even pretty enough to be Kay.

 

"Shit," he muttered under his breath, as Gerard leaned in to kiss the girl. He didn't know whether to be pleased or angry.

 

Gerard was cheating on Kay again. The bastard hadn't changed one bit.

 

Jade gripped the steering wheel even tighter, smirking bitterly.

 

"Busy on tour, my ass... you fucking bastard."